Why I Love Confrontation

Really putting my Photoshop skills to the test here.

If there is one thing I despised in my life more than pineapples on pizza, it’s confrontation. My entire life was defined by avoiding it regardless of what the cost may be.

Roommate won’t wash his dishes? I’d let them get moldy before I talked to him.

Co-worker being lazy? I’d pick up the slack just so we could get along.

Teammates on the class project not doing their fair share? All good. Gasser is here to save the project grade!

The list of examples goes on and on. Growing up, I never knew why I was like this.

I just…..was.

I sought harmony above all else because that’s how I was hard-wired as a person. Nothing in this world made me more uncomfortable than confrontation. Just thinking about it literally sent chills down my spine.

That was until I learned about personality types on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (I’m an ENFJ-T, in case you’re wondering). When I read about my personality, something in my brain just clicked.

It was like I was looking to understand myself my whole life, and I just so happened to stumble upon the answers online. From there, I realized that my personality is literally geared towards avoiding conflict and being non-confrontational.

In many instances, not addressing the issue head-on had caused me a lot more harm and discomfort rather than just nipping it in the bud. From feeling overworked because I picked up someone else’s share of work to simply feeling disrespected and undervalued, I knew something had to change.

Enter: politics.

Not the answer you were expecting, huh?

Over the last few years, I became a lot more active in politics and began to educate myself on various topics from climate change, criminal justice, immigration, gun reform, and so much more. Reading about these topics not only made me a staunch progressive, but it taught me the one critical skill that I had lacked my entire life: confrontation.

The more I learned about the issues that I care about, the more I was able to engage in civil discourse with friends, family, and co-workers to explain my perspective and understand theirs. Practicing my debating skills slowly built up my confidence and made me much, much more comfortable with confrontation.

Over time, this ability to articulate my opinions and explain my perspective allowed me to set my foot down and stand my ground without conceding everything. I would confront people kindly, but sternly as well.

What I noticed through this change was kind of…remarkable.

Not only did my self-confidence shoot up, but people actually started to take me a lot more seriously too. This newfound confidence, however, did not turn into narcissism and I’m (thankfully) still fully capable of admitting when I’m wrong and making any amends necessary.

I was no longer the pacifist that they could push around to get what they want. Now, I started pushing back and demanding that they compromise as well so we can maintain a healthy relationship.

Yes, after all that, my main concern was still to maintain a relationship with the people that took advantage of me. Some will consider that pathetic, others will see it as noble.

As for me? Couldn’t really care less.

That’s my way of saying that I am still the same person I was as a kid. The main thing I care about is staying on good terms with those around me, but no longer at my expense.

The only difference now is I’m not nearly as scared of putting people in their place anymore (in a very, very kind way) when they are out of line.

And that is why I grew to love confrontation. It only took me nearly a quarter century, but better late than never…right?