Money doesn’t make a man
Photo by Josh Appel on Unsplash
“اللي يحط الفلوس فوق راسو يوطى، و اللي يحط الفلوس تحت رجله يعلى”
This saying was passed down in my family for generations. It roughly translates to: “He who puts money above his head is lowered, and he who puts it below his feet is raised.” In Egyptian culture, putting something above your head indicates that it’s essential. It must be revered and respected.
Conversely, putting things below your feet is the ultimate expression of indifference. That thing carries no weight in your life. It doesn’t even register on your radar.
But, how can you remain indifferent to something as monumental in our lives as money?
Experiencing both worlds
I know that there are so, so many people who do not have the luxury of being indifferent to money. I realize I’m privileged and lucky to be in my position, but it wasn’t always like this for me or my family.
Like most people, we experienced both comfortable times and stressful ones. There were times when we didn’t look at prices when we filled our shopping cart to the brim, and others when we hunted for quarters and dimes in our couch to make sure I could afford my school lunch. Through it all, regardless of how much or little we had, my dad reminded us of the saying:
“He who puts money above his head is lowered, and he puts it below his feet is raised.”
At those times, I started to question my relationship with money.
Was it the source of joy or misery?
Is it meant to be spent to live comfortably, or is it saved for a rainy day?
Should I cherish and protect it, or should I “put it below my feet?”
These questions made me wrestle with that saying. How can I be indifferent to something my parents worked tirelessly to earn to put me and my brother through college? It’s physically impossible.
Money and adulthood
As I went through, I had one goal: don’t be a financial burden on Mom and Dad.
Whether it was working part-time, renting books instead of buying them, or even shopping at discount stores, I tried to reduce my dependence on them so I wasn’t another line item in their monthly budget. I had no other choice but to start pulling my weight.
While I was mildly successful during that time (considering I was doing it on a part-time student worker wage), I only hit my stride once I started working full-time. It was at that point that I devised a plan—complete with spreadsheets and budgets—that put me on a launching pad to financial independence. I finally stopped being a burden.
When saving is taken too far
There’s a concept in personal finance known as lifestyle creep. It occurs when someone’s way of life becomes more extravagant as their salary increases. Basically, their expenses rise proportionally with—sometimes even more than—their income.
From the day I started living alone, I made it my mission to live as minimally as humanely possible. I questioned every charge on my credit card, canceled unused subscriptions, and got a Costco membership to buy items in bulk and save (OK, I lied—I just f*cking love Costco). I adopted this hardcore mindset of mercilessly cutting expenses to save aggressively and reach my goal as soon as possible.
And it worked.
I started reaping the benefits of saving and was less stressed when surprise expenses appeared. I was finally on the right track and absolutely refused to let anything derail me. Except, life doesn’t care what you plan for.
Inevitably, I found myself constantly worrying about every expense—regardless of whether it was monumental or minuscule. I counted pennies and nickels to ensure I had enough to save for the month. If it meant I had to skip a few meals, so be it. I just had to hit my savings goal every month. There was no other option.
In the middle of this constant—and most definitely unwarranted—stress about my savings, I realized that I had lost sight of the cardinal rule:
“He who puts money above his head is lowered, and he puts it below his feet is raised.”
Yes, I want to reach my goal as soon as possible, but at what cost? By elevating the importance of money to a status it doesn’t deserve in my life?
Nah, I was raised better than that.
Give yourself a break
Whenever I considered spending money, I remembered helping my mom dig through our couch and look under our beds for loose change. That image alone forced me to build healthy financial habits to ensure I never again ended up in that situation. But, as with everything else in life, it can be taken too far.
My brain was programmed to one setting: money is meant to be saved, not spent. Everything else in my life worked around that concept. I reached a point where I started to stay home more often so I could refuel my car only once every three weeks, as opposed to every two weeks (God bless the fuel efficiency of Elantras).
It was at that moment that I remembered an Egyptian saying that my mom once told me:
“هين قرشك و لا تهين نفسك”
”Foresake your money, not your dignity.”
Remembering that saying at the peak of my frugality was a gut punch unlike any other. It was the wake-up call I needed to break out of the extreme mindset that I entrenched myself into for the last few years. My dignity is all I have, and I won’t let a number in my bank account rob me of it.
I still have a long way to go to reach my goal. Despite that, I decided I wouldn’t wait until I reached it to finally give myself a few crumbs. I’ll continue saving as much as possible, but the time has come to be more lenient and spoil myself, such as buying the Superbowl-edition shirt after the Eagles won the Superbowl (Go Birds!). Once I reach my goal, however, that’s when I will really let loose.
Because regardless of our best attempts, there will always be unanticipated expenses that will throw us into a loop—it’s just a part of life. What’s important to remember is we don’t live to earn money; we earn money to live. It’s simply another tool in our arsenal that allows us to create the life that we want.
And that is something we can’t ever lose sight of because, at the end of the day, money doesn’t make a man.
It never did, and it never will.
