In Pursuit of Happiness
You’re having a horrible day.
Everything that could possibly go wrong with your work, classes, and life, does. You can’t focus on the task at hand because you’re too busy worrying about how sideways everything is going. You are one stupid email away from snapping your laptop in half and going permanently off the grid.
*Bling*
And there’s the notification that will break the camel’s back. You open it, with your hand twitching and ready to punch something, and… the email turns out to be a compliment.
This is the situation I found myself in a couple of months ago. I was so overloaded with school and work that I nearly burnt out. That was on top of me being in a rough mental state because my side projects have stalled for months. The combination of those factors led to some unhealthy coping mechanisms. From eating junk food to wasting countless hours watching YouTube videos, I did anything to get my mind off my predicament.
The email I received was no longer than a couple of sentences, but it made all the difference in the world. It felt like all the emotional baggage I was carrying suddenly dropped off my shoulders, and I was given permission to smile again. Someone actually took the time out of their day to compliment me on a job well done. It sounds silly, but you’d be surprised by how quickly it improves someone’s mental state. All it takes is a few words, and you can make someone forget all their stressors, even for a brief moment.
When I was initially brainstorming this post, I was just going to write about why it’s important to compliment people, improve someone’s day through a kind act, blah blah blah. The more I thought about it, however, I realized that there is one essential component of life that we overlook in the busy-ness of our daily lives:
Happiness.
Sounds elementary, I know, but stick with me for a second.
In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson wrote that the 13 colonies were formed for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Every person’s goal in this life, when distilled to its most basic component, is to be happy. From eating a bar of smooth chocolate to buying a new house, we do it all to be happier.
Many will say that it’s impossible to be happy all the time because there are highs and lows in life. Inevitably, we will all suffer through difficult times that may push us past our breaking point and force us to completely shut down. While I understand this point of view, I disagree slightly.
We will all suffer through tough times. That’s part of what the human experience is about. What separates us, though, is our responses to those times. Some will crack under the pressure, others will persevere in spite of it. What I discovered to be one of the best indicators of who does well during tumultuous times is their level of happiness. Seeing the cup half-full is usually a great way to make it through rocky situations. It’s a cliché for a reason — because it works.
I sound like a hypocrite saying this because I used to complain about every little thing in my life. From running low on milk to my professors throwing a mountain of assignments at me, I found every opportunity to express my displeasure at whatever was happening to me. It became almost therapeutic to a point.
This all changed when I watched a 2-hour interview with happiness expert, Mo Gawdat. I am not exaggerating when I say that this was the single best interview I have ever seen in my entire life. Mo commanded my undivided attention thanks to his life experiences and deep wisdom. Beyond that, his words cut deep and forced me to challenge my earlier attitudes. I noticed how my tendencies toward complaining made me somewhat cynical, even when I had no reason to be.
One of my favorite parts of the interview is when Mo talks about how we all hate traffic when we’re driving. A solution, he suggested, would be to leave early to avoid the rush, or to embrace it by using it as an opportunity for some alone time. We can jam along to music, put on a podcast to learn something new, or even call an old friend. We are in control of our response. This idea applies to something as trivial as getting stuck in traffic, or as profound as losing a loved one unexpectedly.
The event will happen regardless. It is up to us to interpret the situation and react accordingly to minimize our frustration and increase our elation.
After watching this interview, I remembered the Siena International Photo Awards’ Photo of the Year for 2021. It is titled “Hardship of Life” and was taken by photographer Mehmet Aslan.
“This little boy’s father Munzir lost his right leg when a bomb was dropped as he walked through a bazaar in Idlib, Syria. His son Mustafa was born without lower or upper limbs due to tetra-amelia, a congenital disorder caused by the medications his mother Zeynep had to take after being sickened by nerve gas released during the war in Syria. Mustafa will need special electronic prostheses in the future which, unfortunately, are not yet available in Turkey.” - Mehmet Aslan
On first viewing, this photo stirred a bunch of emotions inside me. Should I be heartbroken to see Munzir and his son Mustafa suffering from the unfair hand life dealt them, or should I be inspired that they were able to feel a brief moment of joy? “How can anyone manage to bring themselves to smile in such a situation?” I asked myself. It was genuinely puzzling to see how anyone can find the cup half-full when they are missing limbs in a war-torn country.
I’ll save you the “be grateful for what you have” sermon, because that’s not my objective here.
My objective was to understand how someone can be happy all the time, even during horrible circumstances. This is something that I failed spectacularly at my whole life and was always told is impossible to achieve. The epiphany only hit me once I watched the interview with Mo Gawdat. The second the interview was over, I went from complaining about the most minute details to enjoying the simplest pleasures in life. Being happy all (or most) of the time boils down to two things:
Lowering expectations;
And changing perspectives.
If you go into a situation expecting nothing, then any good thing that happens will exceed those low expectations and contribute to your happiness. On the other, having Mt. Everest levels of expectations is a wonderful recipe for consistent disappointment. If it’s your birthday and you walk into your office like it’s just another Tuesday, but see a birthday card on your desk, it will instantly make your day better. On the other hand, if you walk in expecting a fiesta and all you get is a cupcake, then get ready for the worst birthday on record.
That is just one part of the equation though. The other, and I would argue more important, part is changing our perspective to turn a negative situation into a positive (or at least a neutral) one. Getting caught up in the intricacies of daily life is a consequence of, well, being human. We often fail to escape our tunnel vision to gain a wider perspective that helps us see the insignificance of what is happening to us.
Just like how Munzir is able to carry Mustafa to share in a moment of love and bonding amid the atrocities they endured, we too can find the silver lining in nearly every situation. The only thing Munzir cares about at that moment is that his son is alive and he gets to lift him in the air. Nothing else matters. For those of us lucky enough to enjoy a life safe from the disasters of war, famine, and poverty, it can be rather simple to change our perspectives to be happier people.
If you’re going to the gym and find that it’s closed for the day, use it as an opportunity to run outside and get some fresh air or explore the area.
If you’re waiting for a long time for your order, consider it as a way to practice patience while others are doing their best to serve you.
If you’re having writer’s block (like I am right now), think of it as a challenge that will only make you a better writer once you overcome it.
And there are thousands of other examples. As soon as we flip that mental switch and understand that our experience in a situation is directly correlated to our perspective, we can become happier beings almost immediately. Just keep in mind that this is not a silver bullet that will cure any semblance of negativity within you. You’ll still have challenging days. You’ll still be annoyed by the smallest things. And you’ll still feel absolutely defeated some days. The only thing this will do is help you see the positive more often than the negative, which will eventually compound into long-term happiness.
I do understand, however, that there are objectively horrible things in the world that are inexcusable and make it impossible to see good in any of them. I’m not naïve enough to suggest that people being bombarded in Ukraine or children dying of starvation in Yemen should just “look at the bright side.” These people have every right to not see the positive in those terrible circumstances. I am speaking from a place of privilege to be able to write this post in the comfort of my home, safe from bombardment, with an internet connection, and countless other blessings.
What I am saying, though, is that we need to acknowledge our privilege and understand how we take our most basic necessities for granted. Our happiness in this life is based solely on how we perceive the world around us. The child of a billionaire might get pissed if they get Mercedes instead of a Ferrari for their birthday. While someone escaping homelessness and getting a small apartment will probably be the happiest person on Earth.
We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control our response to it. And that’s why every time I catch myself complaining about something silly, I’ll try to remember Munzir.
I hope you will too.
